Rather than beat the cybe-drumlines on Twitter, Facebook and InTheRooms.com, I’m going to put-up a post from my awarded 12Step Book: http://www.livingtwelvestepsrecovery.com/buy.html because it’s one of my favorite aspects of the step 10 Principle: examining our real motives when we sense a meltdown.
So without the usual sales fanfare — here it is:
Things Are Not Always As They Appear
When we rationalize our bad motives underneath a justification of being good, it takes a hard look for us to uncover the real truth of the matter. Perhaps we “constructively criticized” someone we were sure needed it, but when we step back and look at our real motivation it may have been little more than an effort to win a useless argument, justifying our superiority to soothe our egos. Perhaps we thought we were helping others to understand them – their not being present and all – when in actuality our true motive was to feel superior by pulling them down; so much easier when they are not around.
On occassion, we hurt those we love because we’re sure they “need to be taught a lesson,” but underneath that reason may be what we really want: to punish them. There have been moments we might have said we were depressed and felt bad, when in fact we were mainly seeking sympathy and attention.
An odd trait of our minds and emotions, is this perverse wish to hide a bad motive underneath a good one. It seems to permeate human affairs from top to bottom. Subtle and illusive, this form of self-righteousness can underlie the smallest act or thought.
If we pursue it with good effort, this examination becomes regular
practice for us, resulting in a marked change of our behavior patterns. We’ll observe that things are often not as they appear and with practice, we can alter these commonly premature and cynical conclusions. When it comes to our motives we will need to search our conscience with an effort to find their true appearance.