The driver unpadlocked the roll-up door, throwing it up to a near empty 10×30 cargo compartment. Towards the cab were three pallets and one of them had my first 500 books, shrink-wrapped and boxed in cases. It’s six years that I’ve waited for this moment. Yet – it was hollow and anti-climactic.
The enormity of the pallet’s weight became “Big-Time” obvious when I tried to steady it while the driver pumped it onto the hydraulic hand truck. Then – just like that, it was in my garage (which I called my warehouse – sounding so professional). Signed -sealed – delivered. “Done and Done”!
“POP” went the nylon straps as my tin snips made short-order of them.Â I sliced the shroud of plastic, peeled it back like a CSI exhibit and cut the first case open – there they were – sixteen volumes of my first book: “Living the 12 Steps of Recovery.” This was finally the “One Day I was Living – at A Time.”
I was really thinking – there would be some flood of emotion, tears of joy or a long sigh of gratitude, but no, it was just me, the books and that question that faces everyone when their fleeting moment becomes a reality more than an expectation: “Now what”?
Later, looking out at 40 faces in a meeting I made my announcementÂ “for the good of the fellowship” a few hours later. I spoke – struggling with wordlessness, then I passed out the color brochures – the one’s I had “so” struggled with to get them finished and printed, ( a whole ‘nother adventure ) while holding-up the book and stammering through my simple explanation. It needed work – badly.
I am an award winning public speaker, but I felt like it was my first piano recital, weighing the projections of their approval before there was even a reason, letting that anticipation break my concentration and continuity. “Shit” – this was so nakedly honest.
There was no applause you know – we don’t do that. The moment had arrived with as little fanfare as the first issues shipment. From here on out, the saga begins: I start to realize what it is like – this way – to carry the message.
****If you enjoyed the blog, take a look at the book**** http://www.livingtwelvestepsrecovery.com/index.html
which is also available at Amazon KINDLE: